These are all from my old journal I had during my "poetic" stage.
You see me when I try to hide,
You hear me when I'm breaking inside.
You feel me when I can't sleep at night,
You know me when nothing is right.
Am I running too far ahead?
Are you about to say the words I dread?
I can feel myself starting to fall,
but what will I do, if it's nothing at all?
You're the last thought of the day,
You're the dream I wish would stay.
- 9/20/10
I don't always want to do as I'm told.
My heart is not something to be sold.
I want to scream, I want to cry,
I want everyone to know I really try.
Sometimes when I break, I laugh,
and I only look half normal in photographs.
Please don't label me "damaged goods",
just because I don't always do as I should.
What you see, isn't always what you get,
But I'm not one to forget.
- 10/25/10
I'm holding on to the last things I know to be real,
even when those things are gone,
the memory makes it easier to heal.
With every smile,
I am revived.
With every word,
I no longer want to run and hide.
You bring me back,
make me forget the past.
I'm hanging on to every sentence,
even though I know it won't last.
How you do it,
I'll never know.
If you have any insecurities,
they never show.
I'm terrified of these feelings,
feelings you may never realize.
I'm terrified you'll never understand,
what really goes on behind these eyes.
-10/26/10
I see the horizon ahead
as I put old memories to bed.
The wind is at my back,
a place to call my own is all I lack.
I am not afraid,
no longer will my dreams be betrayed.
I am finally free,
even if "free" is all I can be.
It'll probably hurt tomorrow,
and the day after that.
And maybe even the next day,
I still won't get any slack.
But the pain reminds me
of happier times.
When the world seemed so much simpler,
and the sun always shines.
I might not know it now,
but I could do much better.
Life will go on;
even though our love wasn't forever.
-11/4/10
The longer I hold on,
the more it'll hurt when you're gone.
But with every dream,
I fall deeper it seems.
Everything tells me I'm wrong,
but that doesn't delay me for long.
I make mistakes, I have regrets,
but that doesn't include the day we met.
Why must I torment my poor heart,
I guess I should've known from the start.
You may leave, our friendship may perish,
but for now, all I can do is cherish.
-11/7/10
I've been living a fairy tale,
I've been living the sweetest dream.
I've been living a fairy tale,
things aren't always what they seem.
-11/30/10
Let tears out and laughter in,
Let chaos out and tranquility in.
Let the dark out and light in.
Forget the past and your regrets,
this is where the anger ends and happiness begins.
-12/19/10
Can't we just lie here forever,
love always and worry never?
Can't we just run away,
find a new life everyday?
Can't you just hold my hand,
and be a secure place for my soul to land?
-12/19/10
I'm a mess.
I have too many sins to confess.
Do I even love you?
And if I do, now what do I do?
Do I just like the attention?
Or am I just addicted to the suspension?
Why can't it be simple?
As simple as popping a pimple?
I love you, you love me.
Easy.
Waiting by the phone isn't healthy,
but when surrounded by your light, I'm wealthy.
I hate myself for being like this,
killing myself for just one kiss.
I want to scream and cry,
I want to eat an ice cream carton dry.
I want to slap you in the face,
but that would be a disgrace.
Is this love?
Because that's all I can think of.
-12/19/10
Fill this hole
that's breaking me down.
Teach me how to love
in this crazy, lonely town.
Wash me clean of all sins and impurities,
show me how to trust again
in this uncertain world with no guarantees.
-1/18/11
I'm not asking you
to fix every problem.
I'm not asking to be treated like a gem.
All I want
is a hand to hold.
All I really need
is shelter from the cold.
All I hope for is a shoulder to cry on
until every tear falls,
and every fear is long gone.
-1/18/11
